


I'm Sorry For Letting You Down.

by mylifeismediocre



Category: Emmerdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 19:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15492978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeismediocre/pseuds/mylifeismediocre
Summary: The conversation that occurred after the policeman left the mill.





	I'm Sorry For Letting You Down.

The minute Robert had shown the police officer out, Liv wanted to isolate herself in her bedroom, secure herself under the covers, hide from the disappointing eyes ready to question her about her drinking. 

She watched Aaron pull the chair, the policeman had be sat on, out at the table, plonking himself down in it, Robert following suit, and she felt like she was going to be interrogated. As if the police wasn’t enough. She struggled to meet the gazes of her worried family, feeling nothing but ashamed and vulnerable. She knew they thought she was crazy, Lachlan was playing mind games, and Gerry was no longer around to back her up. She felt so lonely, and for the first time in ages, she immediately wanted to go and hide away at her mum’s.

“So, go on then. Where did you get the vodka?” Aaron asked, frustration evident on his face, raised eyebrows, like he was waiting for her to lie, and she debated it for a second. But she didn’t want to drag this uncomfortable situation out longer.

“Aaron, go easy. She’s relapsed, you’ve done that plenty of times. You, of all people, should understand how that feels.” Liv was shocked at Paddy, a sympathetic smile on his face as he defended her. She watched Aaron grumble in response, agreeing with his father figure, and the nod Robert gave him installed the anxiety in him as he debated the fate of his little sister. Did he ground her? Yell at her? Send her to her room? He was terrified of pushing her over the edge. Had reoccurring nightmares of finding her dead in a ditch, the one time Robert had found her unconscious from the alcohol still playing on his mind.

“I took it from Zac’s house.” Liv finally had the courage to mumble.

“And let me guess, you went there to question Lachlan on the idea of him attempting to murder us?” Robert asked, his tone sending shivers down her spine. She gave him a brief nod in response, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, eyes never straying from the table in front of her, too embarrassed to meet their disappointing gazes.

“Liv, you can’t turn to alcohol every time something stressful happens.” Paddy announced, earning him a glare from both Aaron and Robert.

“It was either the vodka, or the alcohol Lachlan offered me.” She mumbled, anger immediately taking over her older brother.

“He offered you alcohol? After everything that has happened? I’m going to kill him.” And just like that, Aaron was rising from the table, Robert joining him, their eyes fixed on the front door, but Liv’s voice stopped them.

“You’re not going to do anything, okay? He tried to kill us, and you all thought I was crazy, but you’re both willing to go and teach him a lesson? All you do is contradict yourselves. You’re hypocrites!”

“Liv, you have an alcohol problem, he was playing on your weaknesses.” Robert tried to defend their actions.

“So he was playing on my weaknesses when he called me hopeless? When he told me I needed help? Told me no one was ever going to believe me because it’s me? All anyone ever does around here is talk down to me. Talk to me like I’m a child and like I don’t understand what’s going on. I didn’t even have a chance to be a child! I had to look after mum, make sure she didn’t overdose herself again. I had Gordon get inside my head, and didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. All these people have this idea of me, like I’m some sort of bad person and deserve to die. You all want me back at my mum’s, I’m not daft. And you would think that after Gordon, I’d have the knowledge to determine the truth. But it fucking hurts when you take Lachlan’s word over mine. You hate him, but to do what you’re currently doing, you must really hate me.” And with that, Liv rose from the table, storming off upstairs, slamming her door shut and letting out the tears she had managed to hold in.

Aaron, Robert and Paddy remained sat at the kitchen table, silence filling the room, all processing what Liv had just said, the guilt beginning to sink in, the anger they felt for Lachlan overpowering them, but all of that was nothing when they compared it to how worried they were about Liv, how anxious they were about her next move. She was already in a distressed mind set, and any wrong move felt like this would all come crashing down.

“We shouldn’t have let her out of our sight.” Paddy’s voice echoed through the quiet room, meeting the gazes of Aaron and Robert as they looked up to give him in a nod, a grumble of agreement escaping their mouths. “God knows what she’s doing up there.” He continued, Aaron immediately standing from his place at the table, the others following suit as they all silently agreed to head upstairs. 

It was Aaron’s fist that raised to knock on the teen’s bedroom door, the silence in response already made him worried, begging Liv to let them in but no movement could be heard, and no voice. Aaron’s hand went down to the door handle, pushing it down to open the door. None of them were prepared for the sight in front of them.

Liv had completely trashed her room. Her duvet was on the floor, her chest of drawers pulled away from the wall slightly, clothes falling out of them, her art supplies covered the floor. Dirty paint brushes staining the carpet, one of her sketches torn up in pieces on the floor, paint dripping from a jar, turning the blue walls green, and a photo frame of Liv and Gerry smashed on the floor. But that was nothing compared to the sight of Liv.

She was crying, shaking, a bottle of vodka beside her, and it was empty. And in her hand was a shard of glass from the photo frame, a cut already bleeding from her thigh. She hadn’t even noticed them, hadn’t seen them open the door, and hadn’t heard their yells of frustration. The only time she acknowledged their presence was when Robert ripped the shard of glass away from between her fingertips, chucking it into the bin in the corner of her room. Paddy had already been and gone from the bathroom, carrying a toilet roll, handing it to Aaron, who was now sat in front of his little sister, as he began to wrap the tissue around the wound whilst applying enough pressure to it to ease the bleeding.

“What were you thinking?” He asked softly, glancing into her eyes, a vacant look returning the stare. She shrugged her shoulders, too scared to meet the eyes of Robert and Paddy.

“I think the best bet is the hospital.” Paddy suggested, flinching slightly at the speed Liv jumped up from the floor with, the tissue sliding down her leg and she put her hands out to steady herself.

“I’m not going to the hospital.” She turned to Robert. “Please don’t take me to the hospital.” Her body was shaking, and Robert reached his hands out to stable her, brushing his hand over her hair as he pulled her into him, embracing her.

“Okay, we won’t take you. But if the wound gets infected, then we’ll have to.” He explained as he watched Aaron wrap up her thigh with a bandage he’d asked Paddy to bring him from the bathroom cabinet.

“Please don’t tell me you cut yourself on purpose, Liv.” Aaron pleaded, his eyes glassy from the tears threatening to fall as he watched his sister turn towards him, shaking her head.

“It was an accident. Are you forgetting the fact you yelled at me for drinking vodka?” She raised her voice slightly, earning a sympathetic nod from the family within the room.

She walked over to her bed, perching on the edge of it, as she took her hair down only to throw it up again into the tightest ponytail she could do, sighing as she looked at the worried looks coming her way, hating how vulnerable and embarrassed she felt at the sequence of this evening. Paddy was leaning against the door frame, eyes flickering from the bandage on her thigh and the mess of her room. Robert was stood opposite her, arms folded, a slight look of anxiety behind his stone cold eyes. And Aaron. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Shuffling his weight from one leg to the other, one hand resting comfortably in the pocket of his jeans as the other stroked the stubble on his cheek, watching his little sister as intense as possible.

“We thought you were on the mend.” Paddy’s voice was soft as he looked her up and down.

“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.” Liv sighed, a slight slur to her words, the alcohol in her system still making its presence known.

“Was that the first drop of alcohol you’ve had since being home?” Aaron asked her, not sure whether he wanted to know the answer or not. But found comfort in the nod she gave him, a look in her eyes he knew was there whenever she told the truth. He remembered Sandra telling him about it once when he’d called her after he felt bad for punishing Liv, the first time he’d ever sounded like a protective guardian.

“Lachlan was trying to get to me and it worked, okay?” Liv whispered, as a yawn ended her sentence.

“You need to eat.” Robert announced, not wanting her to fall asleep on an empty stomach, not wanting the hangover to be any grouchier in the morning. “I’ll go down and start on the dinner.” Aaron gave him a nod as he perched on the bed beside his sister.

“Yeah, I better head off too. Don’t want Chas to be worried or anything.”

“Not that she ever is about you.” Liv replied, trying to lighten the situation, a little laugh falling from Paddy’s lips.

“You’re probably right.” He hummed slightly. “I’m always here.” He added as he slipped out the room, the siblings hearing him leave the house. 

Liv laid down on her bed, her brother following suit as the pair stared at the ceiling above them. Aaron’s gaze fell to his sister beside him, her eyes now shut as he took in every inch of her, hating how he’d let her down and not given her the benefit of the doubt, for thinking the worst of her. This is why she’d turned to alcohol in the first place, she couldn’t confide in him, and when she did, he shut her down. He was falling back into the routine of neglecting her. She was isolated, and he was the one contributing to it.

“I love you.” He breathed out, watching as she opened her eyes and turned to look at him.

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for not listening to you, for not believing you. But please, promise me, if you have the urge to drink again, to come and talk to me, or Robert. I won’t get angry with you.” 

“I’m sorry for letting you down.”

“You didn’t let me down, don’t be daft. If anything, I let you down, and I hate that you’re hurting. But more than that, I hate that you’re hurting alone.”

“That’s how it’s always been, Aaron. I’m still learning what having a family and stability is. But I’ll get there, someday.” She smiled softly at him, finding comfort in the one he returned. He sat up slightly, leaning to press a kiss to her forehead, watching as she closed her eyes as he did.

“You’re setting the table, so go on then, get a move on.” He laughed as she rolled her eyes, watched as she stumbled slightly towards the door. “Hang on.” He added, standing up to go and steady her. “One step at a time okay.” He guided her down the stairs, and as they reached the bottom, Robert had already laid the table. And the food was already on it. He walked over to Liv, kissing her forehead, before pulling the chair out for her.

It was in that moment that she discovered what family was. How as much as you can test them, and hurt them, a lie to them, they’ll still support you when you need them most. And as she began to tuck into the lasagne on her plate, she smiled softly to herself, grateful she had her two brothers beside her on her road to recovery.

 

\---

‘I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.’


End file.
